Artemis Fowl and Hogwarts
by varawdn
Summary: Artemis Fowl; child prodigy. only now, he finds that he is also a wizard. engineering umbridge's and fudge's downfall aren't the only things on his to do list. He also has to deal with his crazy american teacher, and his childhood best friend harry potter
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I claim no characters other than my own

**Disclaimer: I claim no characters other than my own. All characters not my own belong to either Eoin Colfer or J.K. Rowling. **

A/N: This story is as fare removed from the cannon universe as characterly possible. It takes place after _Last Colony_ and after _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_.

Chapter One of _Artemis Fowl and Hogwarts_

Artemis looked at the crinkled letter once again and gave a minuscule sigh. The spidery handwriting was hard to read and the green ink didn't make it any easier.

"What is it, Master Artemis?" Butler inquired. Although he had scanned the letter for poisons, bombs, and other such things, he did not know what the letter said. If he needed to know, he figured Artemis would tell him.

"Oh, I have another offer from a boarding school," Artemis replied absentmindedly.

"Another school? Haven't you already graduated from secondary school?" Butler queried.

"Technically, _I_ have not graduated from secondary school. Kevin Rickett has graduated from secondary school," Artemis corrected. He leaned back in his custom made chair and looked out over the London skyline. "I suppose I might as well accept the offer. Mother and Father have been urging me to go back to school. They feel that I have not had a proper education."

Butler snorted. According to him, Artemis had had a proper education by anyone's standards. Although they were several different assumed names and nationalities, Artemis had degrees in psychology, sociology, criminal justice, and several different languages.

The corners of Artemis' mouth turned up slightly. "Butler, please go call my parents and inform them that I have accepted the offer of a boarding school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"More magic, Artemis? I though that after the fairies, you swore not to have anything to do with magic," Butler cut in.

"Yes, but I have been made an offer that will not only satisfy my curiosity, but will also satisfy my parents wish to have me attend school," Artemis explained. "Now, you might wish to shorten the name when you call them. They disapprove of my fascination with magic as much as you apparently do."

Butler sighed and left the study to do as Artemis asked.

Artemis examined the paper. He had been waiting for this letter for quite some time. But since he had arrived back in this dimension in what he supposed was the middle of their school year, it stood to reason that he had just received the letter. Artemis smiled his vampire grin. He was sure that there had been several arguments about him, since he was, according to his birth certificate, eighteen. Yet he felt, acted, and looked like any normal fifteen year old. Well, any normal fifteen year old that was a child prodigy, had discovered a race of beings that heretofore had been thought of only as silly superstitions, and had managed to steal some of a demon warlock's magic.

Artemis glanced at the slim, silver laptop sitting before on his dark mahogany desk. The desk's clean cut lines blended in with the rest of the traditional study. On the laptop was a flashing icon announcing that he had e-mail. Setting aside the piece of parchment that he was sure the letter had been written on, Artemis clicked on the icon. Immediately a voice cam blaring out of the speaker.

"Artemis! Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in? Stealing a demon warlock's magic, hiding it from us for over six months, and then, if that weren't enough, you're going to HOGWARTS!" Artemis raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Only Holly would believe that she had every right to berate him.

Mulch's voice came butting in. "Good job, Artemis!" Artemis gave a small smirk.

"Mulch! Don't encourage him! Artemis, we're coming to your flat." With that, Holly clicked off. The window disappeared from the screen. Artemis' smirk dropped, a small line forming between his eyebrows. His eyes, one hazel, one blue, stared at the black screen of the laptop. Butler walked into the study, the heavy wooden, carved door standing against the wall. The mahogany paneling stopped halfway up, giving way to burgundy paint. The two oil paintings hung on either side of the mahogany door. The wall directly across from the door was made entirely of glass. The other two walls consisted entirely of built in bookshelves. One wall of shelves was stuffed with books. The other wall had expensive pieces of technology wirring on every shelf.

"Artemis, we have company," Butler turning aside so that Artemis could see Holly and Mulch following him. They entered the room and paused beside Butler. Mulch's head came to just below Butler's knee. Holly's head hit Butler's knee when she tripped on the chocolate brown area rug covering the hardwood floors.

"Artemis! Good job! Brilliant! And then getting an offer from Hogwarts! You're a bloody genius!" Mulch cried running up to Artemis and pumping his hand up and down. Holly shoved Mulch out of her way on her way to berate Artemis. Mulch stared up at her, shocked. Holly had never intentionally harmed him before. He shook his head, and righted himself. Mulch glanced at Artemis and the incident was forgotten. Going over by Butler, Mulch began rocking back and forth, smiling like a proud parent, and placed his hands in his pockets.

"What were you thinking! No, don't answer that. You weren't thinking. Especially not of the results it could have on the fairy race," Holly shouted up at him. "You wer only thinking of yourself. Like usual," she added in a sneering tone. Holly's short, impish nose was wrinkled like Artemis was some week old road kill she had stepped in. Her legs were spread as if she were expecting Artemis to punch her. Holly's hair bristled much like an animal's ruff did when it encountered something it didn't like much. Artemis was sure that if looks could kill, he would be ash on the seat of his custom made office chair. Artemis' chin rested in one hand. The other hand fingers drummed a rhythm on the padded arm of his chair.

"Holly, I'm crushed," Artemis replied in a dry voice. He leaned back in his chair, affecting a lounging posture, not something he usually did. He took care not to wrinkle his uniform of black Armani suit, black dress shirt, and silver tie. He had chosen to go with a tie pin with his family crest engraved on it, instead of the more usual gold stud. His silver cuff links flashed in the sunlight.

"I'm sure you are," Holly sarcastically said. She had marched around the desk just so that she could spit the poisonous words into his face. Butler gave Holly a warning look, coming forward so that he stood behind Artemis.

"Holly, do you really blame me? If I had admitted that I still had some magic, the fairies would probably have tried to take it away," Artemis told her matter-of-factly.

"And for good reason," Holly shot at him. She jumped on the desk so that she could glare into his eyes. Her acrobatics earned her glares from Artemis and Butler. Holly took care not to step on Artemis' computer.

"I see where you're coming from, but that doesn't mean that you need to continue to insist on treating me like a criminal," Artemis coldly responded. He moved forward so he could lean on the desk, forcing Holly to the edge. His eyes went from bored and uninterested to piercing and cold. His face lost any hint of emotion. He looked as if he had no soul.

"Even though you are one," Holly heatedly questioned, bravely holding her ground.

"I admit that I have something of a . . . questionable past, but that is no reason to act as if you were interrogating me for first degree murder. May I remind you that all I have thus far done is accept an offer from a reputable boarding school? And might I add," Artemis had a frigid look on his face, "that I have welcomed you into my home and that you have thus far," Artemis stood to whisper the words in her ear menacingly, "treated me worse than a common pickpocket." Artemis' rigid face twisted into a cruel sneer at the last two words that he spat them from his mouth as if they were rubbish someone had forced onto his tongue. "I am not common," Artemis' voice, as cold and smooth as silk, warned, his mouth dangerously close to Holly's ear.

"She's treating you better than a pickpocket," Mulch muttered under his breath. He walked over to the shelves filled with technological marvels. He picked up a small cube, considered it, then set it down after noticing that Butler was watching him. Butler, seeing Mulch return the cube, returned his attention to the fight.

Holly, meanwhile, had been turning a peculiar shade of puce. "After all you've done, to me, to the fairy race, to-to EVERYONE, you dare to chastise me for merely being IMPOLITE when I question you!" she shrieked. Her face would have put Julius Root's to shame.

"Politeness a virtue. One that you, apparently, need to work on," Artemis noted as he sat back down.

Holly stared at him in disbelief. Butler and Mulch looked on in awe. Never had they seen Holly reduced to speechlessness. Nor had they ever seen Artemis get so angry. Both of them would have sworn the temperature had dropped twenty degrees during the fight. Holly finally turned on her heel, jumped down from the desk, and left, calmly shutting the study door. Mulch winced at the soft click. Everyone jumped when they heard the door slam two floors down. They cringed as they heard mirrors shatter. Butler had come round the desk to stand between Artemis and the door.

"Artemis, don't you think you should try to apologize?" Mulch asked tentively, after a few seconds.

"Yes. But I have a better chance of surviving the encounter if I wait for her to calm down," Artemis softly replied. He stared at his office door, surprised that Holly would react in such a manner. It wasn't like her.

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"It worked," Holly whispered into the mike. She practically bounced with excitement, as she hid outside. Her face was split in two by her wild grin.

"Yes! I finally managed to pull a prank on Artemis Fowl the Second. How much longer till the potion wears off?" Holly's voice came through the speaker in the elf's helmet. The elf that stood outside Artemis' flat could almost see the grin on the other Holly's face, her joy was so apparent.

"I've got about five minutes. He's going to have to buy new mirrors," the elf said. Slamming the door that hard hadn't been in the script, but Artemis had made her so mad.

"Hmmm. I'm going have to have to apologize that much quicker then. Anyway, I'm on my way over to pick you up right now, Hermione."

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_**!!WARNING!! **_**IT WILL BE A WHILE BEFORE I UPDATE. LACK OF INTERNET. **_**SORRY!!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor shall I ever (unfortunately) own either Artemis Fowl, and everyone associated with him, or Harry Potter, and everyone associated with him. They are owned by Eoin Colfer and J.K. Rowling, respectively.**

A/N: Again, this story is as far removed from the cannon universe as characterly possible. It is in this portion of the story that I begin the actual crossing over. Oh, and this is where I may begin to get out of character. If you don't like it, then click the little x dealy at the top of your screen and don't waste my time or your time by sending me a flame.

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**Chapter Two**

An owl frantically beat at the pane of glass blocking its way. Butler drew his gun, then cautiously crossed to the window. He made sure Artemis was some distance away from the windows that covered the entire wall of the study. Then he opened the windows where they led out onto the small balcony until there was a crack just wide enough for the owl to thrust its foot into the room. Sighing, Butler holstered his gun and took the proffered parchment. After unrolling it to make sure it didn't contain any hidden surprises, he handed it to Artemis.

"Reduced to reading my mail for me, Butler?" Artemis dryly asked as he accepted the letter. He read the message first to himself, then out loud:

"'Dear Artemis,

Although you undoubtedly know more about the wizarding world than I suspect, I am nonetheless sending an envoy to your home to introduce you to one of our most popular markets. They shall help you to get all of your schoolbooks and whatever else you shall need during the school year. Please enjoy their company.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Albus Dumbledore,

Headmaster of Hogwarts, Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederacy of Wizards'"

Artemis sighed. What was supposed to have been a visit to one of his few friends had turned into a rather complicated affair. In fact, Artemis glanced at his platinum Rolex, his friend should be arriving right about…now. _Ding-dong _sounded form below. Artemis waited for Juliet to show his guest up to his study.

"Master Fowl, your guest has arrived," Juliet announced, opening his door without knocking. Behind her, Artemis could see tousled black hair and gleaming green eyes.

"Show him in, Juliet," Artemis ordered her, a touch impatiently. Juliet stepped out of the way, allowing Artemis' friend into the room. He stepped in, crossing the threshold in one long, lanky stride. His round glasses shined in the light.

Artemis blinked and thought back to the day he had first met Harry Potter.

_A nine-year-old Artemis Fowl watched the black haired boy carry a bag of garbage. It was Thursday, trash day on Privet Drive. The boy put the bag on the curb, then left to get another._

"_Butler," Artemis asked, "why is that boy carrying bags of garbage that are approximately a third of his size?"_

_Butler sighed. He should have expected the question. "That boy is Harry Potter, the nephew of Petunia Dursely, wife to Vernon Dursely. They have a son the same age as Harry Potter, named Dudley Dursely. Vernon Dursely works at a drill company by the name of Grunnings. The reason that Harry _

_Potter is carrying out the garbage is because his aunt and uncle make him do all of the chores that a boy that age can do. Including, it would seem, carrying bags of garbage a third of his size from the garage to the curb for the trash men to pick up every Thursday." _

"_Oh," Artemis said. He studied Harry Potter as he came back with a second black garbage bag. As the boy set it down and left to get another, Artemis asked Butler, "Is there anything we can do to get him out of there?" Nine-year-old Artemis was something of an idealist. He had two loving parents and Butler. True, his father was gone a great deal, having just left on a venture to Russia, but whenever his dad was home, he felt much loved. His mother did her best to care for him, and sent him to all the best boarding schools. Butler accompanied him wherever he went. Nevertheless, Artemis sometimes felt…lonely. He never made friends with others in his class. He viewed himself as far above them. However, there was something different about this boy. The boy who wore taped together glasses and had messy black hair. He wore oversized clothes, not the perfectly tailored designer suits Artemis wore. However, Artemis still felt a certain connection._

"_Butler, we are going to bring him home with us to the London flat this summer," Artemis stated. Butler looked down at his charge and sighed again. Once Artemis had decided something, he made sure it happened. "You are going to go over to that house and tell Vernon and Petunia that their nephew is going to spend the summer with me. If they ask why, tell them because he spilled garbage all over my suit and I want retribution. Tell them who I am. If they do not agree after that, then we shall simply steal him." At Butler's look, Artemis raised a brow. "I know it is not as sophisticated as it could be, but we are leaving Little Surrey today and I'd like to get this done before we leave. That way, Mother won't question my whereabouts."_

_Butler looked across the street. What the Dursely's were doing to the boy really was unspeakable. He was sure that if they were given the chance to get rid of the boy, even if only for the summer, they would jump at it. Just as long as they could be sure Harry was not receiving better treatment than their own son was. "Come on."_

_Butler and Artemis crossed the street to the Dursely's. Once there, Butler ripped open a bag of garbage, and rubbed Artemis' suit with it. Artemis wrinkled his nose, but bore it. _It's all for the plan,_ he comforted himself. That done, Butler marched up to the door of Number 13 Privet Drive, and banged on the door. Artemis peered at the door, wondering if it would fall in._

"_H-hello?" asked the boy who opened the door. It was the same one who had been carrying the garbage. Harry Potter._

"_I want to speak to the master of this house," Butler thundered in his most drill-sergeant like voice. Harry Potter squeaked and almost slammed the door in Butler's face._

"_Yes, yes, what do you want?" Vernon Dursely came from behind Harry. He was a round, red-faced man that was going quite bald._

"_That boy," Butler began, pointing a finger at Harry, "That boy dumped garbage all over my charge, Artemis Fowl the Second."_

"_WHAT!?" Vernon bellowed. Compared to Butler, Vernon's bellow sounded tinny. Catching himself, he said again, "What? How am I, a man of humble means, to pay for Artemis Fowl the Second's suit?"_

"_You can send the boy with us, where he will work off the debt," Butler replied, as if it had already been worked out. Vernon pondered this for a while. By sending Harry with Fowl, he would be rid of the boy for several summers, and could be sure that the boy was working hard and not having any fun. _

"_Very well, you can have the boy. How long will it take him to work off the debt do you think?" Vernon prayed that it would take till the boy turned eighteen._

"_Factoring in the price of room and board, it could very well take till the boy turns of age," Butler told him, knowing that was what he wanted to hear._

"_You hear that, Petunia? The boy's going to be gone every summer till he's eighteen!" Vernon was beaming with joy. Harry had been taken off of his hands for this summer and every other summer. "Go pack, boy, you're leaving!" Vernon fairly danced with happiness._

Artemis blinked again, and he was in his study once more, staring at the boy who had become his first friend. Harry had changed during the year. Instead of the bright happy look that had been on his face ever since he turned eleven, he looked haunted. Artemis knew there were 

things that Harry didn't tell him, just as Artemis didn't' tell Harry some things. However, unlike Harry, Artemis did know some of the things Harry didn't talk about. Things like the fact that Harry was a wizard. The fact that Harry was the Boy-Who-Lived. Harry didn't know about the fairies. If Artemis had his way, Harry would never know.

"Hello, Artemis," Harry said, jolting Artemis from his thoughts. His thin face held a half smile.

Artemis looked up. "Hello, You've grown another two inches since last summer. That makes you six feet tall. Have a seat."

"I bet you have yet to grow an inch," Harry replied, his half smile becoming a full-blown smile. A dimple flashed at the corner of his mouth. Artemis observed that his eyes remained haunted though.

"I have an offer from a boarding school," Artemis abruptly announced.

"Really? Which one is it this time?" Harry's smile didn't go away. Artemis' exploits at the various boarding schools he attended always amused him. Harry could use something amusing to distract him.

"One you know of. In fact, I believe you've seen it. I was hoping you could tell me your opinion of the school. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Artemis drew the name out. He kept his eyes focused on Harry, waiting to see his reaction. The friend that he used to be able to read like an open book kept his surprise hidden behind a mask. Indeed, the only reason why Artemis could tell he was surprised was because of the slight widening of his eyes when Artemis said Hogwarts.

"You're going to Hogwarts?" Harry questioned Artemis, sure he had heard him wrong. Artemis was eighteen. You were supposed to get the letter inviting you to Hogwarts when you were eleven.

"Harry, due to events that happened while I was gone, the courts consider me to be three years older than I actually am. That would make me fifteen, like you. Therefore, Hogwarts is but four years off in sending the letter, instead of the seven years you assume," Artemis explained in his most patient voice. "I am to go into my fifth year at Hogwarts, in order to be with people that are age compatible. That would put me in the same year you are in. Since I have missed four years of education, they are sending an escort of students from our year to show me your 'most popular market.' Then they will send another envoy to bring Butler and I to the school. Once there, I shall be spending the majority of my time attempting to learn four years worth of classes in four weeks time. I wish to begin that learning now. So, I ask you, will you endeavor to teach me some of what I have missed before I leave?"

Harry sat in the wing chair across from Artemis' mahogany desk and blinked with, his mouth open. Finally he shut his mouth and leaned back in the chair. "Um. Well…wow."

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A/N: Okay, I promise to do my best to get the next chapter up before school starts up again. I'm sorry, it's not as long as it should have been, but I have to retype each chapter before I can put it up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl, and all characters associated with him, nor do I own J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter, and all characters associated with him.**

A/N: I am so sorry it's been so long since I updated (not as long as last time, but…) I truly meant to, but then our pastor died (he's also my great uncle) and a bunch of other crap happened… and I'm sorry. Please enjoy the next chapter and I assure that I am working on the next chapter right now!

_Chapter Three_

Artemis nervously waited for Harry's answer. He knew what he had said had surprised his friend. Normally he wouldn't worry about Harry's reaction, but he had changed a great deal since last summer. The summer from three years ago, Artemis reminded himself.

Harry heaved a shuddering sigh. "I'll do it. I'll teach you what I know about the wizarding world," he finally said.

"The wizarding world?" Artemis asked lightly. He was sure he knew what Harry was talking about. The things that had happened to haunt his friend. However, Artemis wanted Harry to confirm his thoughts.

"Politics, war. All the stuff you love to dabble in. Or, at least, you used to," Harry corrected himself. He looked unsure of what he was doing.

"No," Butler stated. "We're not going to get involved in another war." His stern visage had become, if possible, even sterner.

"No?" Artemis looked surprised. He hadn't expected Butler to disagree with him. He hadn't done that since… Artemis thought back. He couldn't remember the last time Butler had disagreed with him.

"No, we are not going to become involved in another war. I have watched you kidnap-" Butler looked at Harry and revised what he was about to say, "people, I have let you endanger my baby sister numerous times, and I have come close to dying for you. We are not going to involve ourselves in another war."

"Butler. This government will demand that I attend a school of some sort, so that I will know how to use my ability. If I were to refuse Hogwarts' offer, the…" Artemis trailed off and looked at Harry.

Harry stared at Artemis, wondering what he wanted. "The Ministry of Magic," Potter supplied hastily, realizing that Artemis wanted the government name.

"The Ministry of Magic would probably do their best to remove this ability or they would remove the obstacle keeping me from going to their school. If either of these failed, they would stop me from using it. Permanently. It is in my best interest, and in my family's best interests, to accept this offer. If I am going to accept this offer, then I plan on knowing everything I can possibly learn before entering the situation. That way, I will be better prepared. Was it not you who told me to learn to use every ability to the best of my ability?" Butler met Artemis' gaze. His brown eyes bored into Artemis' mismatched eyes.

Seeing that Artemis would not back down, Butler gave in. "Fine. We'll do this. Harry, please begin the debriefing."

"Okay. It begins with Voldemort. About twentyfive years ago, he began looking for followers. Some joined for a portion of his power, others because of fear. Those days are rumored to be among the wizarding world's darkest days. Voldemort was taking over. The ones that stood up to him, he killed horribly. One of the only safe places left was Hogwarts. Dumbledore, the headmaster, is said to be the only person Voldemort fears. He came after my mum and dad and killed them both. When he tried to kill me, something happened. Know one knew what. Voldemort disappeared after that day and no one knew what had happened to him. Some thought he was dead. Then, last year, he came back. No one other than the Order of the Phoenix believes that Voldemort is alive and back," Harry finished. He sat back in his chair, sighing. He had tried to be as matter-of-fact and confident about the whole tale. Tried not to show how desperate he was to have Artemis believe him.

Artemis sat silently contemplating what he had been told. "What is your Ministry of magic doing about this?" Artemis asked curiously. He leaned forward onto his desk, avoiding his laptop. His different colored eyes stared straight into Harry's green ones.

"Our Ministry supports the belief that I am crazy, Dumbledore is off his rocker, and Voldemort is dead," Harry contemptuously spat out. His mouth was twisted into a disgusted sneer, eyes angrily glaring out from beneath his black brows.

"Then I might as well become a vigilante." Artemis was doing his best to be objective, knowing that those words could put him into whatever wizard jail the Ministry had on hand. Harry, on hearing the term vigilante, had immediately pictured Artemis being out in the middle of the Wild West, dressed in dusty chaps and a faded shirt with spurs clanking on the ground as boots purposely hit the boards that lifted the townsfolk out of the dusty streets. Artemis and Butler stared at Harry, who was laughing so hard, he had fallen out of his chair. Artemis turned to Butler. "Is my becoming a vigilante really that amusing?"

"No," Butler replied, also puzzled about Harry's reaction. He regarded Harry, frowning. Then his brow cleared as Harry got up from the floor, wiping tears from his eyes and muttering about how much he had needed that. "It wasn't the thought of Artemis dispensing illegal justice that made you laugh, was it?" Butler questioned Harry; beginning to chuckle a bit himself as he imagined what must have made Harry laugh.

"No," Harry got out, struggling not to burst into laughter again. "No, it wasn't." Butler's face creased into a full-blown grin, as Artemis looked on, still confused. Harry explained, "It was the thought of you standing before Voldemort on a dusty street from the Wild West, dressed as a vigilante, with wand in hand, that made me laugh." Harry fought the giggles that still tried to escape. Artemis sat in his chair, processing what Harry had said. His bewilderment turned into something akin to disgust.

"I can now understand why that picture would have made you laugh," Artemis allowed. Harry just grinned in reply. Artemis' face became thoughtful as he contemplated a different question. "Who do you suppose this escort Dumbledore is sending will be?"

"Oh, probably Hagrid," Harry answered, dismissively waving a hand.

_A/N: sorry its been so long… I'm working on the fourth chapter right now. I'm taking it down to make some changes, but it should be up by the end of the week!_


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: CONTRARY TO MY WISHES, I DO **_**NOT**_** OWN HARRY POTTER (WHO BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING), ARTEMIS FOWL (EOIN COLFER), OR HARRY DRESDEN (JIM BUTCHER). THEY AND ALL OF THEIR FELLOW CHARACTERS, BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHORS.**

**A/N: Dresden makes his first appearance. This is much shorter than I would like, so please forgive me my short comings. This also isn't up to my usual standards… Any and all reviews are welcome, as always. I will try to update this chapter to a much better written version soon, so you do not have to continue if you would prefer to wait for version 2.0. This jumps around quite a bit, so if it's confusing, I'm sorry. This is just… I had it done and I haven't updated in a while, so I figured I'd put it up for everyone who is waiting for the next chapter. **

_Artemis Fowl and Hogwarts_

_Chapter Four_

Ron stared forlornly up at the expensive London flat. "Great, another Malfoy," he muttered. He still was uncomfortable from all the stares he'd gotten on the Underground. Ron was sure he'd never seen so many uniforms on one street, and he didn't appreciate Muggles looking down their noses at him.

"Ron! Come on, we're already late," Hermione hissed at him. She turned to back to the now open door.

"Good morning," said one of the biggest Muggles Ron had ever seen. Hermione took a step backward, surprised. That door wasn't supposed to be open… was it? Recovering herself, she quickly gave her practiced spiel on how they were Hogwarts representatives, had come here looking for a Mr. Artemis Fowl, and were here to show him around the wizarding world. She paused for a breath, grin in place, although it looked a little forced.

Ron finally managed to pick his jaw up from the ground, only to murmur, "Blimey! He's almost as big as Hagrid!" Hermione's eyes widened in shock, and her bright grin fell from her face faster than a rock off of Big Ben. She pasted the grin back on, and quickly elbowed Ron in the stomach. "Oof! That hurt, Hermione! What'd you do that for?"

"Any way, would you mind telling Artemis that we're here? He should have received a note telling him of our arrival," Hermione continued as if nothing had happened.

Butler's eyes narrowed as he measured Ron, debating on whether or not he might not be a threat. Deciding that Hermione was the one to keep an eye on, he gestured for the two of them to come in.

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"Welcome to the Hogwarts Express! We have all kinds here, so come one, come all!" The Weasely twins bellowed, leaning out the window as the train started down the tracks. They waved to the people still standing on Platform 9 ¾.

"Fred! George! Get back inside the train!" Mrs. Weasely shrieked, chasing after the train, curly red hair flying.

"Ignore them," Ron sheepishly told Artemis. "Oy! Now, I'm a prefect, and I know you two know the rules and you two need to…" His voice trailed off as he stared up into his brothers' faces. They were grinning evilly down at him.

"Oh yes. We have to do what ickle Ronnikins says, because he's a _prefect_ now," one of the twins teased him, mimicking their mother perfectly. Harry snickered, then stopped when Ron glared at him. Artemis just raised an eyebrow.

"Well, he does have a point. You do have to do what he says now," Hermione spoke up, pushing forward till she was facing Fred. "Besides, there's a professor right there, if you didn't notice. He could give you detention for not being in the train properly," she added condescendingly, motioning towards the closed compartment beside their group.

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"What do you think? First class or second?" Dresden asked Bob, settling back into the red velvet cushions. His long legs were stretched across the spacious compartment and the human skull by his side rested on a forest green silk pillow. A paperback book was propped in front of the orange lights that peered from the eye sockets.

"Hmmm… First, you should tell _all_ the girls to strip! Then, let me free!" the skull suggested hopefully. It had turned around to face Dresden, scaring several Muggle born first years who were peering into the compartment. Dresden stared at them, waiting for them to leave. One of them, Grace, giggled nervously, and then ran down the aisle.

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**A/N: I am truly sorry that I have not been able to update this in a LOONG time. I am working on the fifth chapter RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately, as everyone has found out, I still do not have it done. There is a lot of stuff going on right now, and, as such, I have been unable to update. I will get it done as soon as I can, but I make no promises. SORRY!**


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